Walking In My Shoes

Wanna try walking in my shoes?
Nah. Don’t. Just don’t.

Could turning back the hands of time be a guarantee that I wouldn’t be making the same mistakes in my trading career over and over again?

Dunno.

On second thought, I’m really glad I went through hell. And back. Several times.

Perhaps it’s just human nature to pray for a reboot of one’s miserable life. Life full of regrets. Life made worse by being gullible. By being impatient. Immature. Reckless. Arrogant, even.

After trading aimlessly for almost a couple of years, I quit trading after incurring huge losses for weeks on end.

Then I came back. With a more decent stash of fresh funds. But alas, I fell prey to revenge trading. I failed to recoup my losses. Lightning strikes twice indeed.

So I went into a self-imposed hiatus. And I made a promise to myself that I’ll never go back to trading. Ever. I thought maybe it wasn’t meant for me. Maybe I was chasing the wrong dream.

It was hard getting away from it all, though. I missed trading and interacting with my new-found friends. But I chose to stay away from everything.

God, I felt like a ship lost at sea. I became rusty.

I didn’t care to at least look back and evaluate my losing trades. To find out why I almost lost everything. But –

I just wanted to take my mind off of trading.

Who would want to go back there again? However –

If only for the lessons learned that will redound to the benefit of traders who are still wet behind the ears, I’ll go back to where I started from. Reliving the past though will always bring back the pain. The pain of losing. Of losing money. Losing sleep. Short of losing one’s mind.

I don’t know what stage I’m in right now in my jaded trading life. I don’t even know how long I’ll survive in this game. I am so full of regrets. And the one thing that I regret the most is not staying in the game.

Dunno. I’ll give it a shot. Again.

Perhaps I’m ready now to tread again on dangerous ground. Perhaps I’m no longer afraid.

Perhaps.

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